Why I write:

I write to teach myself, not others. I write to strengthen my own resolve in the things I believe and the commitments I have made. I do not - I think - suffer from the delusion that what I write is or may be helpful for another. I write out of gratitude for what I have learned and am learning and will continue to learn. I write to honor those people and events and failures and ideas that have helped me. I write to remember. I write to remain sane. I write to learn to communicate more honestly and clearly. I write for perspective.

Why I shouldn't:

I must be vigilant because I am a performer. When I am not careful, my performance is not honest and can be done purely for the applause of others. When I am not careful, I write - or sing or play or work or learn - for the approval it offers. This does nothing more than inflate an already inflated ego. This strengthens ego's resolve to perform more loudly and even more skillfully, not because a thing done well is a reward in itself but because a thing done well often comes with more enthusiastic praise.

Even this warning to myself risks becoming a performance. If anyone were to find it, they may be impressed or nod their head in approval or think me wise, and just imagining these responses gives me reason to feel awfully proud of myself.

So I leave this here as a reminder and a warning to my future self.